…at least that’s what I thought when I first laid eyes upon MTV’s Hottest MC’s of 2009 list. I mean, this has to be a joke right? I acknowledge that all lists like this tend to generate controversy (see every single ‘best of’ list ever made), and I also realize MTV is no longer a credible barometer of what is going on with music these days, but this list generated such a visceral reaction from me that I felt the need to make a post about it. The list is below, along with my thoughts…and sometimes colorful rants.  Take a gander - hopefully you don’t enter into a blackout rage and throw your laptop out of the window.

MTV’s HOTTEST MC’s OF 2009

10. Raekwon
09. 50 Cent
08. Fabolous
07. Young Jeezy
06. Gucci Mane
05. Rick Ross
04. Kanye West
03. Drake
02. Lil’ Wayne
01. Jay-Z

WHAT THEY GOT RIGHT:

Jay-Z –  I’m not sure if I agree with his position on the list, but there is no denying that Jigga dominated the musical landscape for the past few months and definitely kept the spotlight on hip-hop.  He sold a phenomenal amount of albums, threw a 9/11 tribute concert and even managed to turn the indie world upside down by attending a Grizzly Bear show. Spot well earned S.C.

Jay-Z - Already Home ft. Kid Cudi

Raekwon — Only Built For Cuban Linx II was finally released after 14 years and amazingly managed to live up to the sky-high levels of hype everyone had for the album. I have my serious doubts as to whether anyone at MTV actually listened to this album, but instead just threw Rae on the list in an effort to garner a little cred. Oh well, it’s still a win for the good guys.

Raekwon - Black Mozart ft. RZA & Inspectah Deck

Drake — I don’t love Drake, but I don’t hate him either and I see why he made the top 10.  His singles have been EVERYWHERE in the ‘09 and you gotta admire the man’s hustle.  As Drake says so in ‘Forever’- “Everybody got a deal, I did it without one”. Respect.

Drake - Forever ft. Kanye, Lil’ Wayne & Eminem

WHO THEY FORGOT:

Eminem – Sure, his album wasn’t as amazing as previous Slim Shady efforts, but it was a hell of a lot better than a lot of the garbage that passes for rap these days.  Em also sold more albums than anyone on that list (except maybe Jay-Z), which I know doesn’t always indicate quality, but that fact alone should earn him spot on a MTV list.  Plus, have you listened to ‘Forever’ (^above^) - Slim murders his verse and outshines Drake, Yeezy and Weezy, all of who made it onto the list. Come on!

Eminem - Hello

Brother Ali — His new album, Us, is so good and might even be the best independent rap album of the year.  The Brother could rap circles around the majority of ’09’s “hottest”, and although he is probably too indie for MTV (he’s still an MC though isn’t he?), he definitely should have given a spot in the top ten.

Brother Ali - The Preacher

K’naan — Released a gem of an album earlier this year in Troubadour and then put out a series of fantastic free EP’s that served as tributes to Fela Kuti, Bob Marley and Bob Dylan.  Always poignant, refreshingly relevant - dude definitely got his grind on in the ‘09.  And don’t tell me he’s too indie for MTV, his face was plastered all over that channel right before his album dropped, so they definitely know who he is.

K’naan - Wavin’ Flag

Kid Cudi — The exclusion of Cudi is the greatest mystery to me here.  In the weeks leading up to the release of Man on the Moon, MTV pimped the hell out of Kid Cudi, in fact I’m pretty sure they intro-ed one of his videos with the line, “and now a video from one of the hottest up and coming emcees in the game”. What the hell is going on?  In addition, Cudi delivered an outstanding album and dared to take hip-hop in new directions with his introspective verses and his choice to branch out to producers from all ends of the musical spectrum.  You’re a-ok in my book Kid, a-ok.

Kid Cudi - Alive ft. Ratatat

WHY ARE THESE GUYS ON THE LIST?:

50 Cent - 50 is slowly becoming a parody of himself - just watch this unbelievably ridiculous video to see what I mean.  He hasn’t put out a good song in years, let alone this year, and at this point G-Unit is a joke.  Bounced.

Fabolous - Had one hit song all year, the chorus of which went as follows - “Un-huh un-huh un-huh, just throw it in the bag”. Are you seriously rapping about a fucking shopping bag? He also rhymed ‘ATL’ with ‘ATL’ in that song.  You’re bounced Fab.

Young Jeezy — Last I checked this was a hottest of ‘09 list and Jeezy hasn’t put out shit this year.  Now, if this were a ‘Top 10 MC’s That Look Like a Ninja Turtle‘ list, then I would agree with Jeezy’s presence, but it’s not. Bounced.

Kanye West — Can someone tell me what the fuck Kanye has done this year besides secure his position as #1 dickhead in the world. Anyone? Sorry gayfish, you’re bounced.

Rick Ross — Your eyes are not playing tricks on you, Rick Ross somehow made it onto this list.  What has he done in the ‘09? Oh yeah, he had a beef with 50 Cent, but I think most people filed that in the ‘who gives a shit’ folder.  Officer Ross - bounced.

Lil’ Wayne – If this list came out this time last year I would agree with Wayne being on it, but he hasn’t done anything lately that warrants his #2 spot.  He has a much delayed rock album coming out at the end of the year, but I know that anyone who is capable of hearing has unanimously agreed that Weezy’s rock efforts are beyond unlistenable. Bounced.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME:

Gucci Mane - Fucking. Gucci. Mane.  If you’re wondering who the hell that is, then take solace in the fact that you are not alone.  The only reason I’ve heard of him is because he had one video that was on MTV all the time….A FEW YEARS AGO.  Oh yeah, that song sucked too.  I’m sorry Gucci, but if most people have to google you to find out whether you are a figment of MTV’s imagination or actually exist then you are not allowed to be on any sort of list. Ever.  Get the fuck out Gucci Mane.

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Ahhhhh….I feel so much better.  I wrote this more to deconstruct MTV’s list rather than put together a brand new top ten, so I know I def left out a few emcees who deserve to get their shine in the ‘09.  What do you think out there in Muffinland? Am I crazy, or is this list really that ridiculous? Who else deserves to make the cut for 2009’s finest?